Virtual Bourgeois

Just An Analog Guy Trying to Upgrade For a Digital World

Starting Out (transfer from my old myspace blog)

Posted by Gerald on June 1, 2007

So, my first blog.

I have very little faith that anyone is ever going to read this.  I suppose that is sort of liberating.  This becomes a sort of act of creation unfettered by any sense of audience.  Something is stirring me to do this, and rather than just sitting back and examining the impulse until it stops, I’m going to just succumb to it.  It probably won’t be productive, but maybe it will make me feel good.  I suppose that would also be a decent definition of masturbation. 

I’ve been thinking alot this week about the death of Jerry Falwell.  A part of me that I do not like very much reacted to his death with a desire to break out my dancing shoes and head for his gravesite.  This guy blamed gay people and “secularists” for 9/11 and Katrina.  I believe that he and similar figures (like Pat Robertson) have driven more people away from Christianity than they have converted.  The man personified something I have come to hate – the easy, self-satisfied Christianity of the Evangelicals.

It wasn’t his view of Christian doctrine so much as that smug self-certainty of his.  I’m not sure the man ever once thought to himself “Maybe I’m wrong about that.”  I can’t reconcile that with any true sense of spirituality, let alone my own vision of my faith.  Christiainity should be HARD.  The path should be one of constant reflection and correction.  He and his whole crew of copy-cats try to sell it as easy.  You read the Bible, have this one moment of “salvation,” and then you just quote scripture and smile condescendingly at everyone for the rest of your life.

Whatever “salvation” is, it has to be a process.  Every day we need to look at what we are, what we believe, what we want, and ask if that is still the right thing.  Then stumble on to the next day and try again.  I think that is the real key – the attempt.  God doesn’t expect us to be perfect, he just expects us to really want to be.  Maybe that is enough.  I hope so.

Because of that, I’m a bit disappointed in myself for my first reaction to hearing Falwell had died.  He had family, friends, and followers who are no doubt in real pain.  Also, I don’t know where he was mentally and spiritually at that moment.  I don’t really know any more about him than I do about any media creation.  I am certain that it is more than a bit hypocritical of me to condemn him for being judgmental while freely passing judgment myself.  I’m no more qualified than he was to do that.

To be the person I hope to become I’ve got to figure out a way not to hate this man for the destructive things he said and did in his public life.

But I haven’t done that yet, and that really bothers me.

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